i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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