I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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