it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
