why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize