she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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