Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
