I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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