booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
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