LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
