How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
