It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
