We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
