You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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