So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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