"it" just moved
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize