I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
