You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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