I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
