Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
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