12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
