i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize