There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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