In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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