I'm really into asian looking animals
if only i could text you this smell
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
