I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Randomize
