Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Randomize
