drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
