Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
