Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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