I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
