I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
