I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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