definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
