You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
