You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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