this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
