I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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