Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
