Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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