she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
