trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
