time to smoke my breakfast
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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