Plan B is the new Plan A
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
