Sponge bath it is.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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