So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
