she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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