I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize