you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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