After last night, I could never be a politician.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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