I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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