I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
