she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
