it was like his penis was on wheels.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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