you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
