im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
