We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
