can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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