the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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