So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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