so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
