Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
