I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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