Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
