You kept calling me your small dog last night.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
