Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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