So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The air was thick with penises
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
