somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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