he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
