let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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