trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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