new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
