I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
